They’re Back!!!

There’s something to be said for the saying “with age comes wisdom”. I’m not saying that age automatically brings wisdom, but if you’re paying attention to the details of life, surely a certain amount of wisdom can be gained just by being present and attentive.  When I first moved into the house I now live in, in the great state of Maryland I might add, my dad came to visit me and one of the first things he said to me was “You need to cut down those trees in the back.” I, being a lot like him, began immediately protesting. After all, I like trees; they provide much needed shade, and they can have a very therapeutic function. I can’t tell you the amount of time I’ve spent sitting on my deck relaxing in the shade of the trees.  I guess what I wasn’t prepared for was the perils of having trees; for instance, the night I returned home from an outdoor concert with my friends to find that my front yard and driveway was completely covered with a huge tree that had fallen during a summer storm.  I literally drove past my house because it was completely obscured by this monstrous tree. And yet another time, I returned home from work to find that the forest had come to visit me with trees and branches and all kinds of debris, breaching my house to the point that I couldn’t open my back door.  WHAT A DISASTER!!! I can’t tell you the thousands of dollars I’ve spent dealing with these trees that “I like so much”. Time and time again over the years, I’ve heard my father’s admonition to me that I should get rid of those trees. Just last summer I was in my room, doing my customary thing, playing scrabble on my computer and talking on the phone, when all of a sudden there was a loud noise and the entire house shook. My youngest daughter came running to tell me that a tree had fallen on the house. I never used to be fearful of summer storms and now upon mentioning that there might be a storm I begin praying “Please Lord keep my house safe”

That’s only one of the problems with trees. I rediscovered why those trees might have to go. I woke up just a few days ago, opened my front door only to hear the loudest combination of a whirring and hissing sound in those very trees that I “like so much”.  OMG they’re back! In full force, at my house – the cicadas have taken over! They were all over the front door, the walkway, the car, the trash can under the trees in the front yard – they literally have surrounded my house with the most ridiculous noises ever!!!!!!  I get it, it’s mating season for them but do they have to mate at my house!!!!! WE DON’T DO THAT HERE!!!! I had been warned about these creatures when I first moved here. I never encountered any such critters until I made the decision, and it was strictly my decision, to move to Maryland, what was I thinking? They say these critters are in other places I’ve lived before but I can tell you they definitely weren’t in Brooklyn in the Kingsborough projects!!! So I had to google them. I needed to find out just how long I have to put up with this ridiculous noise. Apparently they come back every 17 years.  Has it really been 17 years since they were last here? I must be getting old because 17 years ago I don’t remember them making this kind of noise. Do they have heightened libido this time around? And from what I understand about them, they mate, lay eggs,  and then die – what a way to go. Is it worth it?  According to the literature they can hang around for six weeks.  Do you believe that? Six weeks of this excruciating noise. I’m definitely going to need a therapist after this. Literature describes the sounds they make almost as if it were a chorus singing a melodic symphony. They have mating songs, and distress songs – in effect, a whole language in song. I found out that the male cicadas are the loudest. Who do they think they are, Marvin Gaye singing “Let’s Get it on”? or begging Barry White? Please, just give them some so I can get some sleep!!!! Look I’m all for music but this noise is UNBEARABLE! I also read that humans can experience hearing loss from the noise. I’m a prisoner in my own home.  I approach the door with extreme apprehension. Broom in hand, I’m ready to attack whatever comes at me. The worst is when they land on you – or should I say, they clamp on you, you have to literally pull them off.  How disgusting is that? I even read that Cicadas were eaten in Ancient Greece and are consumed today in various countries. What? can they really be a delicacy? I can tell you there will be no eating of cicadas at this house!!!! Now that I’ve completely grossed myself out, I go back to the wisdom of age. I’ve got to admit, my dad had the right idea about the trees. I’m beginning to ask myself just how much do I like trees? Maybe I’ll just cut them all down and do like I did growing up – frequent the parks. After all, there are many lovely parks to explore right in my neck of the woods.