The Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave

“Anything is bearable if you can make a story out of it.”….M. Scott Momaday

Maybe it’s just the overall climate these days that’s got me all worked up. I feel the weight of “big brother” pressing on all sides. I just want to live – plain and simple, no heroics. I’ve always tried to stay in my lane (no one could ever accuse me of reckless driving). Occasionally, I like to drive a tad bit above the speed limit just for fun – but other than that, I’m pretty benign.  A simple thing like getting my driver’s license renewed (which normally we could do online), now requires me to go into the MVA, wait approximately half of my life, and bring documentation chronicling my every movement from that crazy county hospital in Brooklyn, NY to my humble abode in sweet Glenn Dale, MD…..they call it “the enhanced license”.  I want to know exactly what I am enhancing at my age – surely not my memory or vision. I was instructed to bring my Passport/and or birth certificate, driver’s license, SS card, and two additional pieces of mail showing my current address – I’ve been at the same address for almost 30 years – really?

First attempt: I spend an entire evening before going gathering up all the “required documents”. Next day – off I go. I finally find a parking space after cruising the parking lot a few times and scurry up to the “Express MVA”.  The last I checked express denotes quickness, faster than usual with a hurried purpose, etc.  The line just to get a number was at least 10 deep not to mention there was standing room only. Finally it’s my turn and the lady gives me a number. I immediately go outside to take a deep breath thinking ….I really have to do this.  After about 40 minutes with no number or letter close to mine being called I decided that I’d better go and come back another day. The nice lady in the front said it would probably be another TWO HOURS. I step outside and look up at the sign to make sure I was reading it correctly – E X P R E S S  MVA.

Second attempt: This time the parking situation is a bit better; however, I see people standing outside of the entrance. I think to myself, surely this is some mistake. Once again I wait to get a number which says E110. Mind you, the last E number to be called after waiting at least 15 minutes is E87. At least 30 minutes passes until another E number is called.  I sit and just wait. I started paying attention to the people who got called up to the window. One nice Hispanic lady sits down in the seat to be waited on.  The MVA worker (who incidentally has a heavy accent. It sounds to me like she’s from someplace in Africa, although she speaks English well), starts asking the Hispanic lady a series of questions like “do you have a license from any other state? Do you have any suspensions from any other state?”. The lady stares at her with a quizzical look.  The MVA worker repeats the questions about 5 times with no real response from the lady.  I wanted to yell “EVIDENTLY SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT” Can someone get an interpreter PLEASE!!!! After some time, she moves on to the next set of questions.  I look over to the next window where there is a Hispanic male trying to get his license. I’m encouraged because he has someone with him that speaks both English and Spanish. I think ok, this should be easy…..NOT!!!!! It came time for the eye test and the man could not read the letters in question.  I couldn’t figure out whether he could see them, or he didn’t know what they were.  The MVA worker tried her best to get him to pass the eye test but after several attempts (at least three), she decides that he needs to go to the eye doctor. How will you be able to drive if you cannot see????? By this time the sun is going down and I’m still waiting (rather impatiently at this point). I look over at the lady next to me and we both say, “I could never have that job!” My stomach starts growling and I’m thinking I should have packed a lunch AND dinner for this extravaganza.  Finally, after two hours or so of waiting it’s my turn. I walk up to the window with every document known to man, my birth certificate, my passport, my social security card, two official Government letters addressed to me….I even threw in a couple of character reference letters from my elementary, junior high, high school and college professors attesting to my exemplary character.  Within 5 minutes I’m ready to go. Why can’t it just be that simple. It took me all evening to recover from the EXPRESS MVA. I was determined to put the whole experience behind me. I still don’t understand why I have to keep proving that I am who I say I am.  So the next day I go into the office, open up my email only to find out that I have been selected to  complete  an I-9 form. OMG!!!!!!!! That’s when I completely lost it!! I began composing an email to the HR department in all caps. I started out saying “LISTEN,  I was born and raised here, my parents and grandparents and great grandparents and their parents all were born and raised here in the USA – can they (whoever they are) LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!! I remember having to fill out one of these forms when I first started working and since then, I HAVE NOT CHANGED ANYTHING EXCEPT MY AGE!!!!” Then as if the God above tapped me on the shoulder and said calm down, I took a deep breath, took my blood pressure medicine, deleted the nasty email, and proceeded to fill out yet another form.  So I ask myself, is this really the land of the FREE? It’s definitely the home of the brave because it takes a lot of bravery to maneuver through these times!!  I’m just saying…….