Stuck on Stupid

(for all those who have ever loved and lost)

Some nights I stay awake so long trying

Desperately not to sleep for fear that once

Again, like much too many nights before,

He’ll  show up in my dreams

Just when I’ve convinced myself that being

Without him is the best, not just for me, but

For us, my heart gets stuck on stupid

I’ve got to keep running…….

Funny thing about memories, they seem to

Creep up at the most inconvenient times

And the thing is, they don’t come alone, they

Come with a whole rack of unwanted feelings

You try your best to stuff them but what happens

Is that you wind up regurgitating everything

You thought you had gotten rid of for sure so long ago

I hate him for loving me once upon a time. I

Hate that he made me think we could live

“Happily ever after”……..wanted to live in

That make believe world but he just wouldn’t let me, damn it,

He promised me and I believed him.

I’ve got to keep running….

I bet my life on us and he so callously snuffed

It out – leaving me lifeless.

For all the things he said – I hate him

For all the things he didn’t say – I hate him

For all things, in all things,  for forever – I hate him

Because I love him much too much to forget

Life mend my broken heart and give me a will

To go on putting one moment after one moment

Together. Giving up is not an option

Even though I almost succumbed to defeat so many

Times. Clouds of gloom hang heavy looking for

Just the right time to swoop in and overtake me

But not today. Got to keep going – I’ve got to

Keep running….. the me in us is

Stronger than the oppression. Each moment another

Victory, another step forward

until I can convince myself – (ME minus him)

that I AM ENOUGH

(Got to find my way back)