Maalox is my Friend – Worrying

I think one of the hardest things to adjust to is the experience of watching children grow up and become independent of you.  At first it’s small steps and then as they grow up the steps become bigger and bigger. Little people, little problems; big people, big problems.

Since my youngest child was two, that makes the others five and seven, we have  been on our own.  Making a bold and brave move from Dayton, Ohio to Maryland was a very big undertaking both physically and emotionally.  After a rocky start, things settled down and we developed a routine that would work for all of us.  Those years were perhaps the hardest for me……making decisions on my own and trying to meet the needs of three little people was oftentimes a very daunting task. Keeping the children safe was always challenging.  I did my share of worrying when my middle child started kindergarten.  She would have to walk about two blocks from the baby sitter’s house to the school.  The babysitter would be able to see her from the start of the trek to about halfway to the school.  Once she disappeared over the hill, she would be truly on her own.  I would be at work on pins and needles wondering if she arrived safely.  Once 2pm arrived I would rush from work to the school.  Standing in the yard with the rest of the mothers, I could hardly concentrate, anticipating her coming through the school door along with the rest of her classmates.  My body would be so tense with anticipation.  This became a daily ritual for me over the next year.  Thank God she always came out with that big smile showing off her deep dimples and I would finally breathe and relax.  Little did I know then that that was only the beginning of many worrying moments to come.

The thing about parenting is that it never ends. It just changes dimensions. When they are little you tend to hold the reins very tight. As they grow older you try to leave a little slack in the reins. Turning 15 and nine months, I learned, was a very big deal here in Maryland. That\’s when crazy, out of control teenagers could get their learners permit to drive. My parents never had to worry about those things since I grew up in Brooklyn, New York. I was able to travel about on the subways and buses to wherever I wanted to go, pretty much whenever I wanted, and believe me, I took full advantage of that freedom. Here in Maryland, I was responsible for being the taxi. Since all three of the children were involved in sports, that made things very challenging. The oldest, Yamil, played basketball, the middle child, Maya, played soccer. The youngest, Nayda ran track. So it was nothing for me to work all day, run and drop one off for practice, pick another one up from practice and try to find someone to get the other one where they needed to be.  Believe me it can get pretty complicated. One of my dear friends said to me one day that the oldest, who at that time was 15 and nine months old, should get his permit so that he would be able to help out. My immediate reaction was ABSOLUTELY NOT! The thought of my first born driving was terrifying! My girlfriend decided that she would give me that ultimate push and enrolled, and paid for, my son to go to driving school. Now don\’t get me wrong, my son was, and is, very responsible. Responsibility wasn\’t the issue for me.  My issue was whether I would survive the ordeal.  As fate would have it, he managed to pass the driving school with no problem. That\’s when it all started for me. I went to the local drug store and stocked up on Maalox. I never thought that a little chalky white liquid would become my most cherished friend.   After months of practicing with someone else, my son was awarded his license. Of course I could never take him to practice driving, and each time he left the house, I would take a swig of Maalox. The first time he took the car out by himself, I got my blanket, went to the living room, got my cocktail of Maalox, and stared out the window, praying the whole time. I laid there envisioning all kinds of things. I must have gone through a whole bottle in that short 20 – 30 minutes that he was gone.

Finally the day came when I thought I was brave enough to endure a ride with my son. We picked up his best friend, Brandon, and headed towards the mall. I was feeling a little anxious about the trip because we would have to take the beltway to get there. I decided to take a swig of Maalox before we left thinking I would be fine until we arrived home. As we approached the beltway my stomach started knotting up. Quickly I realized that I should have never left the house without my best friend.  I vowed never to leave the house again with my son driving without a sippy cup containing that delicious cocktail.  I was sitting in the back of the car thinking that if I couldn’t actually see what was happening, I would be better off. Halfway through the trip the sky opened up letting out torrential rains. Not only that, it seemed as if every 18 wheeler was traveling on the beltway that evening. Every now and then I\’d take a peak just in time to see one of those monster trucks whiz by. I was holding on so tight that every muscle in my body was on sensory overload. I started taking stock of my life and came to the conclusion that I wasn’t quite ready to leave this life just then.  After all, I had two other children to raise and a host of things that I needed to accomplish.  By the time we reached home I almost had to be peeled out of the car.  After regaining my facilities, I ran  inside, went straight to my room needing some comfort from my dearest friend. I reached for the Maalox with a sigh of relief.

I’ve learned to relax a bit more about things since that time.  In John 14:16 God promises to send a comforter (I know that it’s the Holy Spirit) but for me he has provided some additional help. These days I often keep my two best friends very close – God and Maalox!