Here Comes the Sun!!!

Photo by Jeannette

Cloudy days, spirits low but hopeful

I spent so many days/nights/years
Just trying to figure out who I am exactly
Questioning my worth, wondering if
Maybe I didn’t deserve to feel any differently
Outwardly appearing just fine, pushing
through each day only to beseech the
Lord nightly….PLEASE HEAR MY CRY!

Thought I’d never know anyone that would
Be interested in me.  Not use to getting
Attention.

It seems a new day is dawning and I’m so
Giddy, I’m holding my breath not sure
How to feel about this

Scared to give in to the feelings I’m feeling…….
That joy that comes from an assurance that
I’m not alone in the world after all.
A comfort level that says I can trust this – I’m safe

Going back to the Lord, begging for assurance, trying
To harness this fountain of pressure deep within
My soul, begging to be released

Remembering days of old when I disregarded
The intensity of the attraction.
Seeking forgiveness for not being attentive to
Needs needed – attention divided I pushed
Him away.

Little did I know how lost I was, how lost he
Became.  I should have……..I could have………
I wanted………I needed

Silly little girl making bad choices
This time will be different.  I’ve got a new
Perspective.  Gotta take it slow, need to see
Things clearer,  gotta be sure where I am before
Choosing a direction

And although I’m scared, I’m letting him
See me – really see me with all my frailties.
His vulnerability makes me feel closer to him –
Drawing me in.

I love his willingness to live his life without fear,
Without reservations.  I love the encouragement
he gives me.  I love the way he makes me laugh
And maybe we are seeing each other for the
First time.
Maybe this time I can stop holding my breath and
Just

BREATHE!!!