Gone But Not Forgotten

“Some people look for things that went wrong and try to fix them. I look for things that went right and try to build on them.”…..Bob Stone

I guess it’s true, all children look to their parents to take care of them. Even as adults we often look to them for advice and help. They go from being our providers and protectors to being our most avid cheerleaders! Since my mother died when I was relatively young, I have missed her guidance so much through the years. My dad, although he outlived her by 17 years, has been gone for a little over 20 years now. There are days that I truly feel like an orphan. One thing for sure, we all start out thinking our parents are the best thing since sliced bread. In our young minds, Superman and Wonder women have nothing on our parents. It’s only with time that we realize that they are not superhuman just regular and sometimes we even come to love them more for their humanness. I was fortunate to have both my parents when I was growing up – each bringing a different perspective on things. Are all of the memories good? of course not. I just tend these days to focus on the sweetness of what they imparted to me – each in a very unique way. My mother was the more practical one, whereas my dad was the more compassionate of the two of them. He was also definitely more demonstrative. I could always count on him to come to my aid if I was hurt or even if I thought I was hurt, he would take the time to reassure me that everything was OK. I remember the first time I experienced my foot going to sleep – you know that prickly feeling as if you were walking on pins and needles.  I had been playing by myself in the apartment and I guess I sat on my foot a little too long and all of a sudden a sensation that I had never experienced before was happening in my foot. Both my parents were home at the time. I started hollering and my father came running to see what was wrong. Upon careful inspection he ascertained that my foot had fallen asleep and proceeded to massage it until finally the sensation subsided. It’s not that my mother wasn’t concerned, however, she just wasn’t as attentive to those kinds of things. I could go on and on about times when my dad came to my rescue, but I’ll spare you. After my mother’s death, my dad would come and visit with the children and me quite often. Two things I remember my dad always had when I was growing up were: (1) a can of “3 in 1 household oil” and (2) a pair of plyers (which is used to extract my deciduous teeth – but that’s a whole other story.  Squeaky doors were no match for daddy and his oil. So of course, when I moved into my house, he brought not only a pair of plyers but a can of 3 in 1 oil and just put it up in the cabinet for safe keeping – just in case. As it turned out, he did have a couple of occasions to use them both.

Earlier this year I had a problem with my clothes dryer. My daughter was washing clothes and then proceeded to put them in the dryer only to find out that the dryer was not working. You could hear that it was on – but the drum wasn’t turning. I’m not very handy when it comes to repairing things but since I really didn’t have money to buy a new dryer, I thought maybe I’d ask around and see if I could find out what was the problem. After talking with my friend in NY, we determined that it might be the belt that holds the drum that was broken. I sat down and devised a game plan. First things first…..I needed to find out if it was indeed the belt. I spent some time studying the dryer and then it hit me. I’m living in the 21st century, let’s ”you tube” it. (what a beautiful thing, that “you tube” thing). It never ceases to amaze me how they always make things look so easy. After watching the video, you feel like there\’s nothing you can\’t accomplish!! I found out how to get the dryer open but when I proceeded to take the dryer apart, I ran into a problem. A few of the screws had rusted and I couldn’t for the life of me, get them to turn…..and then I had an epiphany – DADDY’S CAN OF OIL!! Mind you, that oil has been sitting in the same cabinet for at least 20 years. I ran upstairs and got it, and poured a little on the screw. In a few seconds, “voila”,  the screw started to turn with no problem. I was so proud of myself. It turned out that it was indeed the belt, so I went online and ordered a new belt. That little can of oil was a reminder to me how daddy was still helping me after all these years. I was able to change the belt (with a little help from my friends) and just like that the problem was fixed.

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Some months ago I got some correspondence in the mail which at first glance I thought was junk mail. If you’re like most people (and me) you can be inundated with advertisements, letters, flyers, phone calls, texts, and the list goes on and on, with people trying to sell you things from replacement windows to insurance policies. This piece of mail happened to be about insurance. Since I had not taken out an insurance policy, I thought surely this was another solicitation. The only thing that stopped me from shredding it was that it had my name, and a policy number, The letter was a “third party designee option” where I could have someone designated to receive information concerning a policy. The company was not one which I was familiar with and they were based in Binghamton, NY. As an adult I had spent some time in New York, but I never took out life insurance. I decided to hold on to it and see if I got another letter. Well not too many months later I received another letter pretty much like the first one. I decided to call the number indicated on the letter. After holding on for almost fifteen minutes, the agent told me that this was a life insurance policy that was ‘PAID IN FULL” and was taken out in 1955. The policy was for $600.00 and with dividends over the years, the policy was worth approximately $850.00. I immediately started to tear up. Evidently my mother, way back in 1955 when I was only three, was preparing for the future (so true to her nature). I have no idea how they found me since I still go by my married name even though I’m divorced. I have moved more than 7 times to different states and yet, just when I least expected it, my mother was reminding me that she is still watching over me. Although $850.00 is not a lot of money, for her, at that time, it may as well have been a million dollars.

So the days when I feel all alone in the world, I remember them both with a smile and call to remembrance the best in both of them. How blessed I’ve been to have had them, to still have them, guiding and helping me. The good news is that someday I’ll see them again!!  Gone but not forgotten.