“I wish I could be Like a bird in the sky. How sweet it would be If I found I could fly. Oh I’d soar to the sun and look down at the sea, then I’d sing cos I know – yea, I’d know how it feels. Oh I know how it feels to be free……………Nina Simone
Taken from: “I wish I Knew How it Would Feel to be Free”
____________
I loved him. There was that energy between
Us that kept me alive, feeding my soul
Making me dizzy crazy with want.
I always knew I could count on him
I never doubted that we would see it through
To the end. Thought we’d have that chance
To look back and laugh at the silliness of the
\”Young us”. Thought we’d have that chance
To experience all the childrens’ firsts together.
With singleness of mind I kept pushing to be
All he needed but yet trying not to lose
Myself – I wanted some things, I needed some
Things – all those intangibles like time,
And attention, like a relationship, lives intertwined
neatly threaded together – all the things that he refused
to give me.
How sad it is that he would settle for tradition
Rather than creating a life of ours – unique to
Us. How sad it is that he thought that money
Would solve the emptiness I felt with him being
Gone all the time that emptiness I came to know
even when he was there with me.
Him – chasing his dreams……
Me trying to hold on to mine.
Trying not to give in to despair.
Always fighting to be relevant, to be the
center, the core of his world.
He pushed me away, my spirit being stifled,
eventually all hope gone
I became irrelevant no matter what I tried
I never felt so alone as I felt then and for many
Years afterwards.
I guess I didn’t realize that it really wasn’t
About me but I grew up and now I know it NEVER was.
I felt cheated.
I simply loved him and thought that that would be
Enough. Didn’t realize that the day would come that
He would reject that love
Didn’t realize the day would come that he wouldn’t love me
Hoped that someday he would remember and turn back
but that day never came as much as I willed it to be.
He was gone – I was forgotten.
Now in the fall/winter of my life it’s only ME who looks
Back savoring all the childrens’ firsts, but now what
Was cloudy is crystal clear. I’m no longer empty but
Full and free and though I can’t move around as freely
As I once could, I manage to keep stepping,
And I’ve come to love the person that is ME with all
My shortcomings and all my history…….and today
as a new day dawns, as I soar above the fray with the wind at my back…
“I sing cos I know how it feels to be free!”
One Response
This is a wonderful revelation.