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Freedom

“I wish I could be Like a bird in the sky. How sweet it would be If I found I could fly. Oh I’d soar to the sun and look down at the sea, then I’d sing cos I know – yea, I’d know how it feels. Oh I know how it feels to be free……………Nina Simone

Taken from: “I wish I Knew How it Would Feel to be Free”

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I loved him.  There was that energy between

Us that kept me alive, feeding my soul

Making me dizzy crazy with want.

I always knew I could count on him

I never doubted that we would see it through

To the end.  Thought we’d have that chance

To look back and laugh at the silliness of the

\”Young us”. Thought we’d have that chance

To experience all the childrens’ firsts together.

With singleness of mind I kept pushing to be

All he needed but yet trying not to lose

Myself  – I wanted some things, I needed some

Things – all those intangibles like time,

And attention, like a relationship, lives intertwined

neatly threaded together – all the things that he refused

to give me.

How sad it is that he would settle for tradition

Rather than creating a life of ours – unique to

Us. How sad it is that he thought that money

Would solve the emptiness I felt with him being

Gone all the time that emptiness I came to know

even when he was there with me.

Him – chasing his dreams……

Me trying to hold on to mine.

Trying not to give in to despair.

Always fighting to be relevant, to be the

center, the core of his world.

He pushed me away, my spirit being stifled,

eventually all hope gone

I became irrelevant no matter what I tried

I never felt so alone as I felt then and for many

Years afterwards.

I guess I didn’t realize that it really wasn’t

About me but I grew up and now I know it NEVER was.

I felt cheated.

I simply loved him and thought that that would be

Enough. Didn’t realize that the day would come that

He would reject that love

Didn’t realize the day would come that he wouldn’t love me

Hoped that someday he would remember and turn back

but that day never came as much as I willed it to be.

He was gone – I was forgotten.

Now in the fall/winter of my life it’s only ME who looks

Back savoring all the childrens’ firsts, but now what

Was cloudy is crystal clear. I’m no longer empty but

Full and free and though I can’t move around as freely

As I once could, I manage to keep stepping,

And I’ve come to love the person that is ME with all

My shortcomings and all my history…….and today

as a new day dawns, as I soar above the fray with the wind at my back…

I sing cos I know how it feels to be free!”

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