“On a rainy day when I’m sitting in a tree looking for a friend, I hope you’ll be the one standing at the root holding out your arms to gently catch my fall”…..Nikki Giovanni
_______
I’m old now but my heart still longs
For you just like when I was a little girl
I wanted to run to you
I loved you so deeply then, with a child’s
heart – innocent, completely, with every
Fiber of my being
I felt safe with you
You understood and never took advantage
Of me (although I would have greatly
Welcomed that)
What I know now that I didn’t know then
Is that I wanted comfort. I was scared
And lonely – trying to escape
I wanted to run to you
And sometimes I did……..
We promised each other with words
Mostly unspoken (as if not saying them
Out loud would make it somehow not
true) that someday the day
Would be ours – love unrequited
ours was an unacceptable love
On so many levels
The times were scary and culture dictated
And dominated our wants and needs
I wanted to defy all odds…….but somehow
I knew that my affections were misguided
You were so kind and good and wholesome.
Above all you were gentle with
My heart careful in the handling
And now, in the fullness of life, I can look
Back and love you even more completely for
Respecting me and loving me enough to
Let me grow unscathed.
I wanted to run to you…….
I still want to run to you sometimes……those
Times when I’m lonely and scared.
Those times when I need comfort and
Understanding – when I need to feel safe.
It’s funny how those things never change
Even with age (the needs that is)
But it’s too late – you’re gone forever and
I didn’t even get to say goodbye.
Color my world blue.
2 Responses
Beautiful
Deep & powerful…