Emptiness

Illustration by Nayda Pirela

Something in his eyes took me back to a time when

I knew I had to have someone.  Just couldn’t stand

The pressure anymore.  Was tired of trying to live the right

Way…..do the right thing one more time again.

I’d been dreaming about the sweetness of touch,

Been remembering hours of joy and in-

expungeable passion shared.

I cried out “Lord help me!” but that time I knew it

Wasn’t gonna work – had to have some tenderness,

So I took…………really didn’t share anything.

Couldn’t really have my way and so there was no

Tenderness, only guilt.

I hated myself, I hated him for not being what I wanted

Can’t do that anymore.  Can’t get side-tracked, fooled

Into thinking I need something I really don’t need

Why do I feel so trapped?

My mind says one thing and my body says something else

Which way do I go? My soul bearing the scars of life\’s

twists and turns, of failures that haunt me all too often

An endless circle.  How can I get off?

I don’t want to hurt anymore

I don’t want to cry anymore

I don’t want to need like I needed then

Like that day I took and felt empty