Celebrating me – Birthday Memories

It has been well documented that little girls are profoundly affected by the treatment they receive from their fathers – whether it’s good or bad, somehow we wind up marrying our fathers. There are those that grew up without their dad and therefore are always looking for that “father figure\” in every man they meet. Someone to love and take care of them. That need for protection and affection is a force all of its own, an almost uncontrollable urge somewhere deep within that yearns to be satisfied. That is why it’s so important to foster a lovingly, healthy relationship between fathers and daughters. Don\’t ever take that lightly, it\’s paramount in fostering a healthy and well adjusted emotional young lady able to navigate all types of social situations.

We can grow up either hating our father or loving him – or like in my case, a little of both. Dynamic personality – the ladies’ man, sharp dresser, opinionated, fitness conscious, sports oriented, lover of life are just a few ways I describe my dad.  Strong – but sensitive, obdurate, definitely an oppositional learner – all things that made it easy to love him and even easier to hate him.  I think I always loved my dad but often wished that I could just love him from afar.  I remember praying consistently that the Lord would get him away from us just so that there could be peace in the house. During my early years it seems he was cranky most of the time. In the end, I had the pleasure/pain of a relationship with him until he was age 90.

One thing he did do for me that will always stick with me, was part of a tradition. This was my own personal tradition with my dad.  Every year, starting when I was about 5 or 6 years old, up until I was in Junior High School, on my birthday, I would receive a corsage from my dad.  This proves to be one of my fondest memories involving him. The reason why this was so special is because for one, he had very little money. We lived in a small project apartment. Each day was struggle to make ends meet. There was little or no money for anything extra. My sister and I would beg my dad for pennies so we could buy candy at the store on the way home from school. He had a little plastic container that he would keep his pennies in and sometimes he would let us get about 5 or so to get candy. Sometimes there wasn’t even that. My mother made all of our clothes, my sister and I had one pair of shoes for school, and one pair for church. (Maybe that’s why now I have upwards of 100 pairs of shoes in my closet). The second reason is because he only did this for me!!!! There was a florist shop on Utica Ave and St. John’s place in Brooklyn, NY.  It was a tiny shop but the lady who worked there made these really pretty corsages.  My father started getting me a corsage every year for my birthday from that shop (I’m sure it was my mother’s prompting that made him agree to do it. I even remember one year overhearing them argue about getting the corsage because their just wasn’t enough money).  One year it would have gum drops, or bubble gum, or candy hearts, and sometimes lollipops.  She would use these things and then add beautiful carnations along with greenery. The number would be however old I was.  I would get to wear the corsage on my birthday. He did that for me – and only me.  Every year I looked forward to getting my corsage.  It made me feel special, like I was important. Oftentimes that would be the only affirmation I would receive all year that I was valued. That birthday morning, I would wake up anticipating that my corsage would be in the refrigerator waiting. My mother would pin it on me and off I’d go to school. Of course that meant that everybody at school would know it was MY special day and for one day, I got treated like royalty!

I realize that to most, this was such an insignificant thing, but it meant the world to me. When I look back over the years I had with my dad, I remember all the little niceties that he did for me – none of them involving lots of money. I remember experiences, moments of laughter, I remember his care and concern for education, I remember how he took care of me when I was sick and his genuine affection as I grew. I could talk about the terrible times (and believe me there were many) but the love sticks close by me as I grow older. Today is my birthday and I remember each corsage, sacrificially given, celebrating me…….Happy Birthday to me!!!!