Celebrating Another Year

Although I’m not a reality TV person per se, on occasion I do watch three reality shows in particular – “The Amazing Race”, “Fixer Upper – Welcome Home” and “Love it or List it”.  With the Amazing Race I get to see the world and learn about different cultural norms (although limited).  The magnificence of God’s creation is affirmed by the grandeur of the topography of the different countries and cities the contestants travel to. Oftentimes the beauty takes my breath away. Although I’ll never get to see those places in real life, I get to live vicariously through the contestants’ experiences.  

Both “Fixer Upper – Welcome Home”, and “Love it or List it” allow me to fantasize about design and see how a house can be made beautiful from barely nothing.  I’m always amazed at how huge the houses are. I guess one of the reasons they are so large especially in “Fixer Upper – Welcome Home” is because the show is based in Waco Texas.  Everything in Texas is spread out.  I’d say it’s the opposite of being in New York (where I grew up). New York is one of those places where everything is “miniature” (well at least the New York I grew up in). As mentioned in a prior story, I shared a two-bedroom project apartment with my mother, father, sister, brother in “Bed-Stuy” (formerly known as Weeksville)  in Brooklyn. That meant that the three children shared a bedroom, and my parents had the other room. Not only that, periodically we had relatives come and stay with us. My mother’s youngest brother stayed for a while after getting out of the army; my father’s niece, my cousin Harriet, came from Orangeburg, S.C. and stayed a summer with us; my cousin Dennis came from Greenville, S.C. and stayed for a summer, not to mention that my grandmother would come and stay for at least three months out of the year.  It was nothing for my mother’s sister, (Aunt Net) and her husband, to drive up from South Carolina and spend a couple of weeks with us.  We’d just pull out the sofa bed and everybody had somewhere to sleep. Aunt Net and her husband had a garden in S.C. where they grew all kinds of vegetables. When they came to visit they would bring a variety of food with them. My uncle was a chef and my aunt loved to bake so there was never any shortage of delicious food around. After my sister got married, at one point, her and her entire family, her husband and two kids, came to stay with us for an indefinite period of time. I tell you there was no place to even breathe in that small project apartment without air conditioning. Somehow we managed and in most cases even thrived in that cramped space. We didn’t have much but we never went hungry. There was always plenty to eat and there was always family around. Oftentimes throughout the year, we had Saturday night get-togethers with family. My mother would make food and her and her siblings that lived close by would come and play Pokeno for pennies.  Sometimes they would let us (the kids) call out the cards and we would have such a good time. Other times they would come over and we would play records on a small record player. There would be music playing mostly R&B but also calypso and jazz – you name it. There was no end to the fun we had dancing and laughing and just having good clean fun!!! What was especially nice is that there was no alcohol involved. I noticed that in other people’s houses when alcohol was involved there would always be some type of argument and before you know it, things would get out of hand. It’s in that same cramped apartment that I learned to play the piano. It’s where I practiced my violin (much to my neighbor’s chagrin I’m sure), forcing myself to block out the blaring sirens from the fire house up the street and not to mention the ruckus of the street life. The only place I could get to be alone was in the bathroom and so I would spend a considerable amount of time in the bathroom. I would take the manual typewriter my mother brought me one Christmas and I would spend hours practicing my typing. My sister had a typing book and in it I found out how to set margins and center and lineup columns, everything I needed to know about typing was in that book. I knew I would need to have some kind of skill in order to get a job and get out of that cramped space that threatened to stifle any independent thought I had, not to mention smothering my spirit. It’s truly amazing to me that people feel that they need an enormous amount of space in which to live. It’s really NOT about the space, or the things in it or not in it. It’s truly about the people and the relationships.

One of my fondest memories is a time when all of my mother’s remaining siblings came to Brooklyn. They all lived in South Carolina except for one brother and one sister. My mother was one of 12 children. At that point I believe only six remained. It was a year before she transitioned. She must have been making provisions for her departure (now that I look back on it). In that cramped two-bedroom apartment there were at least 30 people. We all gathered to share a meal together and to pray. I remember my mother saying that this might be the last time we all would be together. At the time I didn’t think much of it. That was the summer of 1983. She died the following August of 1984. 

You never know when it will be “the last”.  The last meal, the last birthday, the last spring, fall, winter summer, the last celebration, the last gathering.  We go about our days as if they will always be there – that tomorrow will surely come. We make plans (or not) and expect that there will always be enough time to complete that task, to call that person – I’ll do it tomorrow.  Next time I will……… What if there is no next time?  Our days are truly numbered.  We need to fill each day – to savor each experience like it’s our last.  So tomorrow when I wake up and realize that I’ve made it another year around the sun, I’ll be thankful for all the years. I’m thankful for the moments, for the times and if this is “the last year” I know that I did the best I could and I never gave up on life.  After all, it’s October – it’s time to celebrate!!!!

“You can’t do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth” ……Evan Esar