Catching Up

I close my eyes and open my heart in anticipation

As though I could WILL it true

I covet a place where we are not confined by

time or distance, somewhere far from noise,

confusion and restrictions.

Leaving behind the familiar to find that expansive space of

Nothingness where we can create our own haven.

We dream dreams that seem so real yet reality gets

In the way.

Settling in for the long haul we measure each step

With precision.

Not wanting to misstep or miss anything along the way

That we might need for that time, so long from now, of comfort.

Will my mind betray me, sending me back to that

Protected space I designed for one?  That space where the air

Smothered my growth, choking out any possibility of

Stimulation.  That space where I almost died and didn’t even

Care.  Didn’t even know I was dying.  Didn’t seem to matter.

That quiet resolve that comes from complacency.  That

Calloused space where nothing penetrates. That

Protected space of blankness…….emptiness.

And yet, my heart never gives up.  Quickening its movement

Jolting me to a new space.  Freeing my mind of muddiness.

No more snuffing out, no more dulling of sensation,

I get to really feel things. Maybe this time I’ll get it right…

Forcing my mind to stay current, to embrace the

pain of now in anticipation of the bliss to come some day,

Maybe – tomorrow…….hopefully not too late.

Maybe this is the first day of my new existence

Opening up to the possibility of a life without fear

I breathe, he breathes.  Holding my hand, he steps

I run faster –  willing myself to keep up. Don’t let me

Stumble, don’t let me fall.

I’ve got a good pace now.

Won’t get left this time,

Won’t get trapped.  Can’t forget the steps that it took to

Get to this point…. Moving forward, not looking back!!!