A Father’s Day Tribute

A few years back (October 2017), I wrote a story about birthday memories, where I not only celebrated myself, but I also paid tribute to my dad. Since this weekend we celebrate dads, I decided that maybe I would attach the link to that tribute, celebrating me – birthday memories and also say a little something about the admiration I have not just for my dad, but for the dads I’ve known in my lifetime.

It has often been said and widely believed that a lot of poor communities are plagued by single parent households (mainly single moms raising children). However, I’d like to say that growing up there were plenty of two-parent households in the poor community in which I lived. The majority of my friends lived with both a mom and dad. They all had their share of dysfunction, but I saw the grit and determination of so many dads to love and care for their families. All the dads had varying jobs – one was a baker, another a trash collector, a bus driver, an accountant, and in my father’s case, a railroad worker. Mostly the fathers I knew worked many hours and oftentimes for little or no money. They seemed to take pride in their work – after all it was a means for “putting food on the table”. Their love of family came out in many different ways, and surely providing was one major way in showing that love. In my project apartment building, in Brooklyn, New York, there were two families with about 10 children each who lived on the first floor. The housing authority combined two apartments to accommodate them. Let me just say here that of course (as in many communities), we had our quota of single moms. I remember one school mate that I would visit from time to time, who had her share of “uncles” that would come by and visit her mom. There was always loud music blaring from her mother’s bedroom, and lots of half full bottles of liquor on the counter in the kitchen. By contrast, we also had hard working single mothers. You would see them walking home from a long hard day’s work. The point I’m making is that even though situations were difficult, there were plenty of dads hanging in there as best as they knew how. Mostly they were hard working in spite of the usual traps of alcohol and gambling (mainly number running) that often plague poor communities. I came to admire those fathers with all their imperfections, who loved and cared for their children and kept their families together.

One thing that was very important to me and my friends was that we would raise our children and especially our boys to be responsible men. It warms my heart to see my girlfriend Tanya’s son embrace fatherhood and all its complexities. Who knew that this only child, college jock, would turn out to be such a loving and caring father and husband. I also see my girlfriend Natalie’s son being the most loving and involved father that you can imagine. I always knew he would be because he was so considerate and protective of his mother even at a very young age. I have a son-in-law that is first rate and is a great “girl dad” to my two granddaughters. My son and my girlfriend Barbara sons are not fathers themselves yet; but they are godfathers to some amazing children and they, themselves are top notch, responsible, caring and kind adults sharing in the raising of children they are in contact with.

I would like to encourage all the fathers out there to be diligent, kind and loving not just to your children but especially to your children’s mothers. No need to be perfect (as none of us are). A little kindness goes a long way.  When you mess up (and for sure you will), get up and try again. To all the fathers past and present, both biological and surrogates, that have impacted not just my life, and the lives of my children, but so many Childrens’ lives for good, I salute them all.

Remembering my dad with love and affection!

“Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32